As you may recall from my most recent blog entry, I attended the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium (conference) in Washington DC in March. One of the many workshops I enjoyed was with grief expert David Kessler with Paul Denniston for the helpful combination of pairing grief counseling with somatic practices to help the physical aspects of grief, which is what we’ll be exploring in today’s blog. Read on and I’ve linked their resources in the Want More section at the end.
Grief doesn’t just break our hearts—it affects our bodies in profound ways. Whether you’ve lost a loved one, a relationship, a job, or even a version of yourself, the physical toll of grief can often be overlooked. Yet understanding the somatic (bodily) experience of grief can be a powerful part of the healing process.
In the words of grief expert David Kessler, “Each person’s grief is as unique as their fingerprint.” That uniqueness includes how our bodies process and hold onto loss.
What Is Somatic Grief?
Somatic grief refers to how the body holds, expresses, and sometimes suppresses the emotional pain of loss. The body and mind are deeply connected. When we experience grief, it’s not just in our thoughts or emotions—it shows up physically too.
Some common physical symptoms of grief include:
- Fatigue or exhaustion
- Tightness in the chest or throat
- Digestive issues
- Changes in appetite or sleep
- Aches, pains, or tension, especially in the shoulders and back
- Sensations of heaviness or numbness
These symptoms aren’t “in your head.” They are real, and they are your body’s way of trying to communicate to you and to cope.
Why Does Grief Affect the Body?
Grief is one form of stress. It activates the nervous system, especially the sympathetic (fight-or-flight) response. Ongoing or prolonged stress from unresolved or unprocessed grief can lead to a “stuck” state—where the body is holding on to tension, pain, or hypervigilance.
Research shows that chronic stress and emotional suppression can compromise the immune system, increase inflammation, and exacerbate existing health conditions. In these situations, your body is essentially waving a flag, saying, “Pay attention to me.” The good news is there are some things we can do to help our bodies process.
The Importance of Feeling Your Grief
David Kessler, who co-authored On Grief and Grieving with Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, emphasizes that grief is not something to be “fixed” but something to be witnessed and supported. In his later book, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, Kessler reminds us that “You don’t have to move on from grief; you move forward with it.”
This forward movement involves allowing your body to process what words often cannot express.
Somatic Practices to Support Grief Healing
Here are some gentle, body-based practices that can support you through the physical manifestations of grief:
1. Body Scanning
A body scan is a mindfulness technique where you slowly bring awareness to each part of your body—from the top of your head slowly scanning all the way down to your toes. This can help identify where you’re holding tension or numbness, common in grief. You don’t have to “fix” anything—just notice and breathe into your body.
2. Movement and Breath
Grief often gets “stuck” in places such as the chest, shoulders, and hips. Incorporating practices like yoga, walking, or even swaying side to side with slow, deep breaths can help discharge some of that tension. For a breath practice, try inhaling slowly for 4 counts, exhaling for 6 counts. This kind of vagal nerve breathing helps calm the nervous system.
3. Yoga
Taking a yoga class in person or from home with an app or video on youtube can be a great habit for tending to your nervous system. But if you don’t have the time or bandwidth for a full yoga class, here are two gentle yoga poses you can try especially supportive during grief:
🧘♀️ Child’s Pose (Balasana)
This pose creates a sense of safety and surrender.
- Kneel on the ground, bring your big toes to touch, and fold forward, letting your forehead rest on the floor or a cushion.
- Extend your arms forward or place them by your sides.
- Breathe slowly, feeling your back expand with each inhale.
💡 Why it helps: Creates a grounded, inward-facing posture that encourages emotional release and nervous system downregulation.
🧘♂️ Supported Reclining Bound Angle Pose (Supta Baddha Konasana)
This heart-opening pose allows you to release tension in the chest and hips.
- Lie on your back with the soles of your feet together, knees gently falling outward. Support your knees with pillows if needed.
- Place a cushion or bolster under your back to gently open the chest.
- Rest your hands on your belly or heart.
- Stay for 3–5 minutes, breathing gently.
💡 Why it helps: Opens the heart space while offering support—perfect for releasing the tightness many feel during grief.
4. Allowing Yourself to Cry as a Release
Tears are a physiological release. When we cry, our bodies release stress hormones like cortisol. Allow yourself to cry, as you are in mourning. Find spaces that feel psychologically safer to be vulnerable and open with any and all of your feelings —therapy, a trusted friend, or in solitude.
5. Grounding Techniques
When grief makes you feel disconnected or overwhelmed, grounding can help bring you back into your body:
- Press your feet firmly into the ground
- Hold an object (like a smooth stone or fabric) and notice its texture
- Say out loud what you see, hear, and feel around you to bring yourself back to the present moment
6. Touch and Comfort
Touch can soothe the nervous system. Try gently placing your hand on your heart or hugging a pillow to create a sense of containment and safety. Sometimes and for some people, asking a loved one for a hug can be grounding because it can bring you back to your body. Textures – petting your pet, a fluffy blanket or pillow, a fidget object, slime, stress ball, play doh, etc can help calm and center.
You’re Not Alone
Grief can feel incredibly isolating. It may seem like the world keeps moving while you’re standing still, carrying something invisible that no one else can see and/or maybe not fully understand. But please know this: You are not alone. What you’re feeling is a natural, human response to love and loss. Even in your most isolated moments, you are part of a shared human experience in that grief is a thread that connects us all. And while your grief is uniquely yours, there are others who are walking parallel paths, trying to make sense of their own losses.
As we learned today, grief isn’t just emotional—it can show up physically as your body’s natural response to emotional stress. By tuning into the body through gentle practices we covered, we can begin to process grief not just with our minds, but through our whole selves.
WANT MORE?
I love seeing teens and adults in my psychotherapy practice! If you are a California resident and would like to talk about working with me or to having me counsel your teen, please contact me, I’d love to hear from you. I have an office in Sacramento, an office in El Dorado Hills, and I also provide tele-health (video or phone appointments) through a secured platform. In addition to talk therapy, I also am trained in and practicing EMDR for 15 years. Find out more and contact me through my website at http://www.hopeintherapy.com or call or text my business cellphone at (916) 764-8360.
Not feeling like yourself these days? Check out a blog from my archives, on how to feel like yourself [when you don’t] https://hopeintherapy.com/2025/01/14/how-to-feel-like-yourself-when-you-dont/
SUPPLEMENTAL RESOURCES AND RECOMMENDATIONS:
Paul Denniston, yoga/somatic for grief resources: https://www.pauldennistontraining.com/the-body-remember
David Kessler’s online grief group: https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/tenderhearts
Books on grief I especially like: The Grief Recovery Handbook by James and Freidman: https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/books/grief-recovery-handbook-src ; and books by David Kessler: https://grief.com/books-by-david-kessler/
Podcast series on grief I have liked: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-there-is-with-anderson-cooper/id1643163707
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